I’m with spouse and three of the boys (s2, s3 & s4) in our cabin on a ferry to the Hoek van Holland. Boy George is singing (Do You Really Want to Hurt Me) on the ship radio. Spouse is dishing out food to the boys. s2 and s4 are considering some of the more important questions in life…
s2: Would you rather have your hair re-twisted with dads feet or have your feet twisted into plaits?
s2: Would you rather drink a J20 or get two Jays to your O?
s4: What do you mean? Like J Low?
s2: Would you rather drink 250 J2O’s or your name be Jason.
s4: I wouldn’t mind being called Jason.
s2: You could actually pass as a Jason. What about Jill, Jeremiah, Jill, Jacqueline?
s2: Would you rather have Stevie G banging top bin 40 yard screamers into your forehead or everyone other than you is called Steven so you feel a bit weird?
s2: Would you rather have your hair parted into 478 pieces or read a 478 part novel about re-twists?
s2: Would you rather be a brick layer or be laid out by a brick?
s4: I’d rather be a brick layer.
s2: Rest of your life?
s2: Would you rather wear a full Denim Tears football kit or shed actual tears of denim. Boo hoo hoo - actual tears of denim?
s2: Would you rather be Brutus the Barber Beefcake or be brutally barbered by a beefcake?
s2: Would you rather say Brutus the Barber beefcake 40 times in the mirror until he pops up or wear his clothes to school everyday (including his big scissors)?
s2: Would you rather eat some Granola or go up to your gran and say Ola? Think about it.
s4: Yeah, but what Granola is it?
s2: Would you rather eat a pool size bowl of Alpen or swim in an Alpen size pool.
s4: How big is an Alpen size pool.
s2: You know… the size of the Alpen box.
s2: Would you rather meet Santa Claus or be digging in the sand with two claws?
s2: Would you rather meet Tony Hawk or eat the toes and the knees of a hawk?
s4: Do hawks actually have knees?
s2: Would you rather live in Hackney for 450 years guaranteed, or have your knees hacked by an actual computer so you don’t have control of your knees?
s4: If I controlled your knees I’d make them clank together every two steps.
s2: Would you rather eat 450,000 roly-polies in you whole life time or else you go to hell or have to roly-poly everywhere?
s4: What even down the stairs?
s2: What? You’re actually considering this?
s4: I’ve been thinking about every single question you’ve asked. How many would I need to eat a day?
s2: Let me work it out. You’re going to live to 100 for my calculations… 16 a day for the rest of your life. If you don’t eat them they just stack up in your house. They never go away. They will go moldy.
s4: 16 a day for the rest of my life is outrageous!
s4: What If I live longer than 100?
s2: Then you have more time to eat them.
s4: Would you rather swap your elbows with your knees or your shoulders with your hips?
s2: Elbows with knees eveytime. Who the hell wants hips as shoulders?
s3 has fallen asleep in his bunk. Spouse is now in our double bunk. We’re so proud of our boys, how they’ve all grown up. So mature and thoughtfull. It’s an eight hour crossing. The fun is going to be non stop.