On December 24th, 2006 I posted on the blog I had then, a list of ten things I’d done:
- [Bungee jumped from a railway bridge over the Zambezi River at Victoria Falls](https://listed.to/@and another thing/61511/ten-things-no-1)
- [Got on the property ladder, got married and had three children](https://listed.to/@and another thing/61531/ten-things-no-2)
- [Having a happy family life](https://listed.to/@and another thing/61613/ten-things-no-3)
- Held down employment x amount of years.
- Got as far as 1st kyu with two black stripes with GKR Karate.
- 1/3 of the way through a psychology degree
- Travelled for 56 hours on a train between Delhi and Trivandrum. Chai. chai, chai. chai…
- Grown a lawn from seed
- Displayed photography in a public exhibition
- Addressed an audience of more than 200 people at once.
Not quite 20 years later and thought to add a bit of detail. I’m on to no.3…
A happy family life. That’s way to simplistic. It was in 2006 and remains so now. Four boys and married 25 years. There has been and are plenty of occasions where one or more of us has not been happy. Sleepless nights. Challenges at school. Upsets at work. Puberty. Existential angst. Illness. Money worries. Curve balls in life. The list goes on and on.
We are all different. We have our own personalities. Strengths and weaknesses. Interests, dislikes and nuances. Personal trials and tribulations. We know a fair bit about each other. Explicitly and implicitly. Not everything needs to be spoken to be known. Familiarity like this makes it possible to see the sense in each others moods and behaviour, even when what we do and how we are being is less than agreeable. Intimate understanding of one another enables forgiveness, making it possible to move on while staying together.
There is balance. A balance that can perhaps come with longevity. With pragmatic acceptance. With resilience, tolerance, understanding, forgiveness and care. With patience. By adapting to change. We continue to love one another despite our flaws and imperfections. We have our good days too. We have fun, joke about and laugh. We enjoy each others company.
Happiness comes and goes. What would life be like anyway without a wide gamut of emotions. Happiness cannot be known without also experiencing unhappiness. We are not our feelings. Like Rumi said they are our guests. Allowing them in relieves us of the struggle to shut them out. Being seen, accepted and nourished helps in making us ready to continue on our way. Together even when apart.