Yesterday I had lunch with a few friends / colleagues from work. We went to a small Thai restaurant in Maidstone. There were five of us. There was a table for four and a table for two available. The table for two was pulled over to the table for four to accommodate us. As we took our seats I noticed the couple on the table closest to us. A man and a lady. The man shifted in his seat, muttered and did not look to happy with us being placed near to them. Whatever. One of my lunch companions and I took the two seats closest to the couple. As you do we started chatting. Very soon I could hear the man passing comment on us both, me in particular. Not so loud that I heard every word but loud enough to hear he was being sarcastic and critical.
Some years ago I led training based on work by the Hearing Voices Network. An exercise included in the training involved speaking to partner while a third person quietly spoke through a cardboard tube into an ear of one of the pair talking. The person speaking into the tube could say whatever they wanted. The idea of the exercise was to simulate (in some small way) the experience of having a conversation while hearing voices, and the experience of speaking with someone who hears voices.
Hearing the man’s background commentary reminded me of this exercise. It was quite off putting. Trying to ignore what I could hear only went so far. After ordering food and drinks I turned to the man and asked if there was anything in particular that was annoying him. At first he ignored me. When I asked again he said I was talking too much. As I was with work colleagues I thought it best not to respond in the way I may have done had I been in other company. I offered to move to the vacant chair at the other end of the table, which I then did.
It was a bit awkward. Not just for me but my lunch companions as well. A few comments and jokes were made. The man called out that I had been rude. I replied I would just leave that with him. The meal continued. The atmosphere relaxed and all was good. Another couple left while we were there. As they did one of them commented to a colleague, “he was alright”, gesturing to me, and to ’let him know’. In time the grumpy man and his partner also left. As they did the grumpy man stopped by my side and apologised for being rude, held out his hand to shake mine and wished me a good afternoon. Apology accepted and well wishes returned. It was all very odd.